First Presented InBC This Ancient Comedy Concerns The Efforts Of Lysistrata, An Athenian Woman, To Persuade Other Women To Join Together In A Strike Against The Men Of Greece, Denying Them Sex Until They Ve Agreed To Put Down Their Arms And End The Disastrous Wars Between Athens And Sparta When The Strike Begins, And The Men Respond, The Comedic Battle Of The Sexes That Ensues Makes This Spirited Play One Of The Most Enjoyable Of The Classics In It, Aristophanes Employs A Mixture Of Shrewd Logic And Raffish Humor That Fully Exploits The Rich Comic Potential Of The Story And Its Underlying Antiwar Sentiment Always A Favorite Of Audiences, Lysistrata, Because Of Its Pointed Feminist Sympathies, Is Studied And Performed Today Than Ever I wouldn t be surprised if Lysistrata was the first sex comedy that s a genre, right Sex or lack there of drives the plot and innuendos abound Lysistrata But I tell you, here s a farweighty object.Calonice What is it all about, dear Lysistrata, that you ve called the women hither in a troop What kind of object is it Lysistrata A tremendous one Calonice And long Lysistrata Indeed, it may be very lengthy.Calonice Then why aren t they here Lysistrata No Man s connected with it if that was the case, they d soon come fluttering along No, no It concerns an object I ve felt over and turned this way and that for sleepless nights.Calonice I must be fine to stand such long attention.On its surface this play is about the women of Greece withholding sex from the men to force them to make peace during the destructive Peloponnesian War In truth I am pretty sure Aristophanes just wanted an excuse to make as many sexual innuendos and gender stereotypes as possibly.Lysistrata We must refrain from every depth of love Why do you turn your backs Where are you going Why do you bite your lips and shake your heads Why are your faces blanched Why do you weep Will you or won t you join me in the sex strike Myrrhine No I won t Let the war proceed Cinesias Don t go, please don t go, Myrrhine his wife and a sex striker At least hear our child don t you feel pity for the child He s not been fed or washed now for six days.Myrrhine I certainly pity him with so heartless a fatherCinesias You love me Then dear girl, let me also love you.Myrrhine You must be joking The boy s looking on.Cinesias Here, Manes, take the child home There, he s gone There s nothing in the way now The women fret about their homes going to ruin while they are away One even tries to fake a pregnancy Lysistrata What nonsense is this Woman I ll drop any minuteLysistrata Yesterday you weren t with child.Woman But I am today O let me find a midwife Lysistrata O Quickly Lysistrata Now what story is this you tell What is this hard lump here Woman It s a male child.Lysistrata By Aphrodite, it isn t Your belly s hollow, and it has the feel of metal Well, I soon can see You hussy, it s Athene s scared helm, and you said you were with child.Some, however, are pretty damn good at messing with the mind s of their men Myrrhine But how can I break my oath Cinesias Leave that to me, I ll take all the riskMyrrhine Well, I ll make you comfortableCinesias Don t worry I d as soon lie on the grassMyrrhine No, by Apollo, in spite of all your faults I won t have you lying on the nasty earth Rest here on the bench, while I arrange my clothes O what a nuisance, I must find some cushions first.Cinesias Why some cushions Please don t get them Myrrhine What Plain, hard wood Never, by Artemis That would be too vulgarCinesias Open your arms Myrrhine Here the cushions are Lie down while I O dear but what a shame, you needpillows.Cinesias I don t want them dear.Myrrhine But I do Why, you ve no blanket.Cinesias It s not the silly blanket s warmth but yours I want.Myrrhine Never mind You ll soon have both I ll come right back Would you like me to perfume you Cinesias By Apollo, no Myrrhine By Aphrodite, I ll do it anyway etc etc etc Sufficed to say, the oath was not broken, though I think the poor man s will was Aristophanes also takes plenty of opportunities to insert sexual innuendo because he can after peace has been agreed upon Athenians I want to strip at once and plow my land.Spartans And mine I want to fertilize at once Men s chorus We must take a stand and keep to it, for if we yield the smallest bit to their importunity then nowhere from their inroads will be left to us immunityAnd if they mount, the Knights they ll rob of a job, for everyone knows how talented they all are in the saddle, having long practiced how to straddleIn spite of all the sex and joking, the play does have a few good messages Lysistrata You men wrack hellenic cities, bloody Hellas with deaths of her own sons, while yonder clangs the gathering menace of barbarians Lysistrata It should not prejudice my voice that I m not born a man, if I say something advantageous to the present situation For I m taxed too, and as a toll provide men for the nation while, miserable greybeards contribute nothing of any importance whatever to our needs.But mostly this was a play about sex and sex jokes that were shockingly modern in their convention might have just been the translation This was a quick and enjoyable read, just remember this was meant to be a bit of an absurdist satire so don t take the actions and decisions of the characters very seriously. I hate this book because I got arrested on account of it I was at the University of Texas Perry Castaneda Library and it got lost amidst the shuffled stack of books which I dumped into my backpack when I left Exiting the library the sensor went off.Sorry, I forgot to check it out No big deal, happens all the time But the Department of Collegiate Fascism, aka the UTPD, are required to file a report Bored from arresting 19 year olds for walking down the street half drunk they show up like it s the scene of a hostage crisis And, unlucky me, it turns out I have a warrant for an unpaid alcohol possession ticket Still, no big deal I can go down to the station and pay it Fine But this is the lobby of a large student library and I am surrounded by my fellow students, all of us dutifully studying on a Tuesday night As such, might I please just walk out to the police car GET AGAINST THE WALL MOTHERFUCKER A.J COVER ME WHILE I SEARCH THIS SCUMBAG GOTCHA COVERED BUDDY Loudly cocks shotgun NO WEAPONS ON HIS TORSO NOTHING UP HIS SPHINCTER NOTHING TIED TO HIS BALLSACK BUT WAIT, LET ME SQUEEZE HARDER Sound of testes being crunched by human fist OK THIS PERP S CLEAN GIT ME MY CUFFS Sound of me being viciously shackled YOU GIT THAT ARM HELP ME DRAG EM OUT TO THE SQUAD CAR HOLD ON HE S MEEKLY PROTESTING HAND ME MY BLUDGEON Egregious violence YEAH GIT SOME GIT SOME GIT SOME MOTHERFUCKER YEAH A.J KICK EM SOME MORE GIT SOME, BITCH Ok he ain t movin Sound of manacled body being dragged across library lobby, accompanied by the stunned silence of onlookers Thus ended my experience with Lysistrata I never got to the ending, although in later years my various girlfriends, in the manner of Ghandi protesting English oppression of the Indian subcontinent, were wont to use Lysistratan nonaction to protest my rampant drinking and proneness to random street violence.Not recommended. LysistrataSome Greek men, you ll discover,Being a lesser loverThan a renderer of war,Treat their wives much like a whore.So one day, Lysistrata,Equipped with all the data,Reckoned upon a tacticTo withhold love climactic.She aimed to end all conflictWith some cohorts she had picked,To flaunt breasts and nothing hide,Though, til peace, men were denied.Males came with their pricks erect,Revealed for all to inspect,Still their wives rejected them,Until war they would condemn.So the violence did decrease And the warring tribes made peace,A gently handled magic wandMade sure a double entendre.At play s end, the sun went downOn the whole of Athens townAnd nothing followed after,But the echoes of laughter Illustration by Norman Lindsay People who are currently sleeping with an academic may be interested to know that I just sent the following GENUINE letter to an Elsevier journal, in response to a request to review a paper If this catches on, don t blame Not Blame Aristophanes.Dear Professor ,My girlfriend, on whom I rely for advice in ethical matters, has researched Elsevier s business model in some detail She says that, after careful consideration, she would not be able to sleep with someone who continued to review for an Elsevier journal.Given my girlfriend s uncompromising stance on this issue, I am afraid that I must decline your offer to review this paper and ask you to remove me permanently from your list of reviewers Sincerely, Lysistrata s Guy